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The United States of Tara is
a darkly comedic television series whose intent is to entertain, not to educate. And yet, Tara unavoidably
provides its audience with an informal ‘education’ about
DID. Because education and awareness about the dissociative
disorders are ISSTD’s primary goals, we will provide
some professional commentary on each episode’s portrayal
of DID. By doing so, we hope to provide the general public
(and television critics) with a description of what is accurate
and realistic in the United States of Tara, and what
is not.
As the series begins, we approach it from a positive standpoint
and an open mind. The producers and scriptwriters sought extensive
consultation on DID from some of the world’s most prominent
experts on DID, and interviewed and consulted DID patients
as well. In addition, we anticipate that the United States
of Tara will probably do much to increase public awareness
of DID. We are not television critics, so we will not be commenting
on the quality of the show or the performances of its actors.
Our commentaries will focus primarily on two issues. First,
we will identify the points at which Toni Collette’s
television portrayal of DID is either consistent with or divergent
from what occurs in most persons with DID. Second, from time
to time we may comment on the treatment of DID depicted in “Tara,” and
draw comparisons between what is depicted and what would take
place in treatment conducted according to the ISSTD treatment
guidelines for DID.
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S1 Episode 1: Pilot
Tara is a wife and mother with DID. She manifests four alters,
thus far. Tara is a working mother who paints nursery room
murals. She is the one that her children call “Mom.” T
is a dramatic, pot-smoking, sexualized teenager. Buck is a
hypermasculine ‘good old boy’ who claims to be
a Vietnam veteran. Finally, Alice is a 1950s ‘Betty Crocker’-style,
perfect housewife. Alice does not appear in the first episode.
Each alter has its own distinctive behavior, attitudes, and
manner of dress. Tara has no awareness or memory of what her
alters do or say when they ‘come out.’ Tara has
a female therapist, Dr. Ocean, who is alluded to, but not seen
in this episode.
The family consists of Tara, her husband Max, gay son Marshall,
and daughter Kate. Tara’s sister, Charmaine, puts in
an appearance; she does not believe that Tara has DID and is
jealous of the attention and acceptance that the family give
to Tara (and her alters). Charmaine tells Max that he deserves
better than Tara; she appears to be clearly ‘hitting’ on
him. Unlike Charmaine, Tara’s wife and teenage children
know, accept, and interact freely with her alters. Not only
do they know that Mom has DID, but some friends and neighbors
seem to be aware of this as well. Kate tells her boyfriend
about Mom’s disruptive DID behavior, but becomes defensive
when he pronounces Tara to be weird. When Tara later sees this
boyfriend being physically rough with Kate, she confronts him.
Later, Tara’s alter Buck gets into a fistfight with him—and
Marshall angrily attacks and repeatedly kicks Kate’s
boyfriend after the boyfriend punches Buck in the face.
Commentary:
Is this what DID really looks like? Almost
everything about Tara and her alters is ‘over the top.’ DID
looks like this in only about 5% of cases, and even then
is rarely paraded this openly. In the vast majority of cases,
switching from one alter to another is covert or hidden,
appearing as abrupt, but often subtle changes of mood, behavior,
or attitude. Alters usually do not call attention to themselves.
Why? As we search for an answer, it helps to understand the ‘purpose’ of
DID. DID is developed in early childhood as a means of coping
with repeated trauma, usually abuse that far too often occurs
at the hands of a trusted and needed caretaker. In short,
DID is usually a survival strategy for coping with one or
more chronically dangerous caretakers. The alters help the
child to cope with this situation. That is their purpose.
And this purpose is usually best-served by the alters not calling
public attention to themselves (quite the opposite of Tara).
This covert style of functioning usually continues into adulthood.
That is why Tara’s public style of switching among
various alters with wildly different clothes, beliefs, feelings,
and desires is uncommon.
How realistic is the portrayal of Tara’s interaction
with her family (and vice versa)? Although the portrayal
of Tara’s alters is ‘over the top,’ (Remember,
this is entertainment!), the portrayal of the family is often
remarkably realistic. This is a loving family, but a dysfunctional
one because the kids are having to deal with Mom’s
psychiatric condition far too much. All experienced DID therapists
have encountered families like this (albeit usually with
less dramatic alters). The love and acceptance in this family
is very important and very healing. Tara’s alters trust
the family. On the other hand, although this arrangement
may be supportive for Tara, and to some extent for Max, it
is unfair to burden children, even teenage children, with
these kinds of interactions with the alters. Tara’s
children should not have to deal with T’s sexualized
behavior and her immature acting out (pot smoking, shopping
sprees for racy clothes, and secretly obtaining a birth control
prescription for daughter, Kate). No wonder Kate tells T, “I
love you best out of all the alters.” Similarly, Marshall
should not have to endure Buck’s macho insults and
anti-gay put-downs (loving though they may be). This pattern
of family interaction turns the children into caretakers
for their mother. The technical term for this is parentification.
This kind of family interaction is a recipe that guarantees
recurrent problems and occasional chaos. In the long run, the
kind of love that this family shows tends to win out. With
good dissociative disorder therapy, Tara will probably be
able to heal. Nonetheless, her children may be found to have
paid a terrible price in the process.
In many
cases, a person with DID keeps the alters entirely hidden from the family (and
everyone else). This hiddenness has at least two different causes: (1) caution
and lifelong habit, and (2) avoidance of current danger. We have already discussed
lifelong hiding (of alters) as a habit that is acquired in childhood. Current
danger is another matter. Women and men with DID usually grew up in an abusive
home. Not surprisingly, as adults, persons with DID often pair-off with an
abusive mate. Continued abuse in adulthood gives them new reasons to hide their
alters. The frequency of abusive marriages or partnerships in adults with DID
explains why assessing the supportiveness/abusiveness of current relationships
is so important for therapists who treat DID.
How realistic is Charmaine’s attitude toward
Tara? Very
realistic. It is quite common for siblings who grew up in the
same abusive family to manifest a variety of different styles
of coping with their childhoods. Some siblings may also have
DID, but, in many cases, siblings cope with the abuse in their
childhood via denial (or even frank amnesia) or some other
means of distracting themselves from what is taking place
around them. When this happens, the siblings tend to have
a variety of interrelated adult reactions to their own childhood
abuse or their vicarious experience of a sibling’s
mistreatment (e.g., chronic avoidance of difficult subjects,
difficulty with relationships, substance abuse, sexual promiscuity/addiction,
etc.). Thus, Charmaine may not believe that her sister has
DID, but subsequent episodes are likely to show that she
has symptoms of her own that may ultimately prove to be related
to having experienced or witnessed childhood mistreatment.
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S1 Episode 2: Aftermath
Tara resents the messes that her alters leave behind—both
the dirty dishes and the emotional havoc. Following Buck and
T’s recent actions, Tara returns and convenes a family
meeting. She relies on the family to tell her what her alters
did while they were ‘out.’ Tara has no memory of
their actions; she has amnesia. In contrast to Episode 1, it
is now clear that both children are, indeed, discomforted and
distressed by Mom’s highly visible alters. Kate is rebellious
and angry. Fourteen-year-old Marshall is suddenly wetting the
bed. Both are now somewhat ostracized at school—labeled
as members of a “weird” family. It is apparent
that Kate and Marshall are ashamed of their mother’s
behavior and long to interact with their ‘real’ mother.
Tara is increasingly tense and dispirited as she sees the impact
on the family of her switching and chaotic behavior.
It is now becoming evident that Tara often ‘switches’ to
another alter when she is stressed. Max her husband notes that
her switching has become more frequent since Tara stopped taking
her medication. During this episode, Tara is again stressed
and switches to yet another alter—Alice, a 1950s-style,
perfect homemaker who claims to be a graduate of Radcliffe.
Alice announces, “Tara isn’t equipped to handle
this family right now. We’ve reached a consensus and
I need to be here now.” Alice’s long-term goal
is to take over and be ‘out’ all the time. She
is efficient, super-competent, and tries to make everything
beautiful and happy, very much like the mother (June Cleaver)
in Leave It To Beaver. Alice also has a cruel and
sharp side to her. When Kate berates Alice with a sexually-graphic
tirade, Alice attempts to jam soap into Kate’s mouth.
They nearly come to blows. Max hears the uproar and
rushes in to quiet them down. Max subsequently insists to Alice
that he will be the one to enforce any discipline. In spite
of her outburst, Alice is cheery and confident; she makes a
personal photo album for each family member. Kate is visibly
sad as she looks longingly at the photos of herself and her
mom from happier days.
Commentary:
How realistic is the show’s explanation
that T, Buck, and Alice are ‘coming out’ because
Tara went off her medication? No medication directly affects whether switching will occur
more or less frequently. Many persons with DID do take medication,
but their medications are aimed at other coexisting mental
disorders or symptoms, such as anxiety and depression. When
other mental disorders are controlled with medication, and
when the symptoms of anxiety and depression are decreased,
a person with DID is often better able to cope with daily life.
Stress in one’s life, and/or the stress of having other
mental disorders or disruptive symptoms does increase
the likelihood of ‘switching’ in DID patients.
Accordingly, any medication that reduces stress may reduce
the person’s ‘need’ or impulse to ‘go
away’ and switch to another alter. Tara and her
family are not sophisticated mental health professionals. From
their perspectives, reducing the medicine is directly, rather
than indirectly, related to the alters coming out more and
more.
Do people with DID really have amnesia for what some
or all of their alters do and say? This is an extremely
important question. In fact, this question requires a comprehensive
technical answer because amnesia in DID is neither simple
nor straightforward. Let’s begin with the stereotyped
view of DID, which portrays the person as having total amnesia
for everything that the alters do or say. Some cases of DID
are, indeed, like this—apparently including Tara. On
the other hand, many DID individuals are not like
this. That is, many persons with DID do have some awareness
of at least some of what their alters do and say.
This means that awareness of what (some) alters say or do
should never be considered as proof that the person does
not have DID. Moreover, as a person with DID moves toward
recovery, the person becomes more and more aware of what
alters are doing. In other words, decreasing amnesia is a
routine accompaniment and a trustworthy indicator of effective
therapy. Yet, despite decreasing amnesia, the person still
has DID until the day that he or she ‘integrates’ all
of the alters. Finally, to further complicate the matter,
individuals with DID often do their best to hide their amnesias
and memory lapses from others (because they know very well
that their memory problems are abnormal and they don’t
want others to think they are weird or crazy).
Alice hopes to completely ‘take over’;
she wants to be ‘out’ all the time. Is this
possible? No. Alters that want to totally ‘take
over’ occasionally seize control for a period of time
(usually hours to days, but occasionally for much longer
periods), but they never succeed in remaining in control.
Once they ‘come out,’ these alters usually begin
to tire and rapidly become exhausted. They simply do not
have the energy to stay ‘out’ indefinitely (but
they are loathe to ever admit this).
How realistic or typical is Tara’s way of dealing
with her alters? The most common way that persons
with DID deal with their alters is to avoid thinking or talking
about them (or the possibility that they exist). In short,
most people with DID ‘deal’ with their alters
by not dealing with them at all. This is called avoidance
and denial. It is helpful for the layperson to understand
that both the occurrence of amnesias and the very existence
of alters constitute ways of avoiding and denying some extremely
uncomfortable truths (i.e., that the person has suffered
unacceptable/intolerable events, and that the person now ‘has’ alters).
DID is thus a collection of coping strategies that postpone
dealing with some profoundly uncomfortable realities.
Unlike many persons with DID, Tara seems to admit that she
has DID. Although she continues to have amnesia for her alters’ actions,
she is willing to deal with their existence by seeking information
about the alters from her family. This is a common pattern
of coping in persons with DID, especially once they have been
diagnosed with DID. Therapeutically, however, this is a phase
of coping that the therapist steadily seeks to reduce as it
places undue burdens on the family, especially the children.
They are stressed by being repeatedly exposed to the alters.
Moreover, the children are even more burdened, and quite inappropriately
so, when they become a routine link in how Mom ‘deals’ with
her alters. Episode 2 bears witness to the price paid by the
children placed in such a situation. No matter how bravely
Tara’s son tries to grin and bear it, he is clearly in
pain. Similarly, the behavior of Tara’s daughter speaks
more loudly than do her words. In this essentially loving family,
many well-intentioned efforts and attitudes bring with them
all sorts of collateral damage. Far better
for Dad to be in this position than the children, without delegating
caretaking roles to the children. And better still is the therapeutic
future wherein Tara deals directly with her alters and does
not routinely interpose family and friends as intermediaries
in that process.
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S1 Episode 3: Work
In the beginning of this episode, Tara returns and discovers that Alice has made some provocative sexual overtures to Max. After some uncomfortable sexual discussion, Max begins to make love with Tara, but is unable to become aroused. Tara attends a therapy session with Dr. Ocean, and discusses her sexual concerns. Tara is hired to paint a mural by a friend of her sister, Charmaine. Later, Max sexually approaches Tara again, but she puts him off because she is preparing her plans for the mural. They make a date to have sex the next evening. The next day, when she presents her plan for the mural to the client, Tara discovers that the client knows she suffers DID. She feels betrayed that Charmaine told the client this personal information. Charmaine arrives unexpectedly while Tara is making her business presentation to her client. Tara tries to confront her sister privately, but the client barges into the kitchen, interrupts Tara and Charmaine, and tries to minimize Charmaine’s betrayal by asking Tara, ”Don’t we all have multiple personalities in some way?” She also claims to have been molested. That evening, Max comes home for his planned sexual get-together with Tara, but she is gone. Instead, Buck is ‘out,’ watching a porn DVD. Buck tells Max that Tara couldn’t deal with sex that night. After some discussion, Max and Buck decide which of Buck’s porn DVDs to watch.
Commentary:
Doesn’t everyone have different parts? The answer to this question is yes, and no. We all have different aspects of our personality that we show in different situations (e.g. a work self, a parent self, a friend self, a sexual self, a playful self, etc.). In this way, we all have multiple selves. However, the normality of having multiples selves or states of mind (often called “ego states”) differs significantly from what is found in individuals with DID. In DID, the different selves or states, or alters, take over or intrude abruptly often without the individual having a conscious choice (like Tara, who is overtaken by her alters), and act in ways that the individual as a whole does not control. And as we can see from Tara’s experience, individuals are often completely unaware of what happens when alters are in control. Thus they are experienced by the individual as “not me,” at least to some degree. Alters have their own relatively separate identities; that is, they have different ideas about who they are and what they look like (self-representations). They even have different memories and experiences from each other (e.g., Buck experiences himself as a man and a Vietnam vet, while Alice experiences herself as a sophisticated, organized graduate of Radcliffe who has no children). People without DID experience their ego states as “me”; their ego states are part of a relatively seamless experience of self and memory.
Is Tara ‘crazy?’ Tara is offhandedly characterized as “crazy” by her new client, which raises the question of whether Tara is truly the most dysfunctional adult character in this show. Obviously, DID is strikingly different from how most people exist in the world. However, DID has a purpose (i.e., coping with the intolerable) and persons with DID are not necessarily more maladjusted than others in the world around them. This particular episode of Tara seems to make that point rather clearly. We see that some of her family and acquaintances may be more dysfunctional than she is. For example, Charmaine and her friend have a superficial way of interacting that, at moments, is both ridiculous and amazingly insensitive. Charmaine compares Tara to someone that has “ass cancer.” Max’s ways of interacting with Tara are almost as inconsistent as her alters’ ways of interacting with him. Because he knows it upsets Tara, he refuses to have sex with her alters. However, he then agrees to watch pornography with Buck. Although Max and Tara have this agreement around sex, both are clearly conflicted about it, and we are sensitized to appreciate that even people who do not dissociate must struggle with internal inconsistencies and conflicts.
Is Tara’s sexual behavior typical of someone with DID? In the beginning of the show, Tara and her alters both appear open to sexual encounters with Max. Later, however, Tara becomes so anxious about their planned sexual get-together that she ‘goes away’ and Buck ‘comes out.’ This is not uncommon in DID. Many persons with DID (but not all) avoid sex and are glad have an alter ‘handle’ it for them. Thus, Tara’s openness to sex in Episodes 1 and 2 is more atypical, whereas her avoidance of sex in this episode is more typical. Buck makes it clear to Max that he (Buck) understands that Tara is not ‘up’ for sex that night. Buck’s ‘coming out,’ (as opposed to T or Alice who have both tried to seduce Max) can be seen as Buck ‘protecting’ Tara from the behavior of her sexual (female) alters.
How typical is Tara’s denial of her alters? Tara tells Dr. Ocean that her alters “aren’t me.” At the beginning of therapy, and often for a remarkably long time, many DID clients deny their diagnosis and are resistant to considering their alters to be part of them. As therapy progresses, persons with DID tend to accept some alters as “me,” but continue to insist that certain other alters are ”absolutely not me.” The reasons for this denial are many: shame, avoidance/disowning of painful memories, disowning of alters’ current behavior, and so on. Clients are reluctant to accept their alters because the alters feel the need to do things that are “not like me,” and thus cause shame and embarrassment. Denial also serves to disown certain emotions and reactions to trauma and abuse (as well as the realization that their caretakers or parent-figures were not who the client has tried to believe they were). The long-term goal of therapy is for persons with DID to slowly accept and own their alters and to develop a unified and consistent sense of self and personal history.
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S1 Episode 4: School Spirit
The episode begins with Tara addressing her video diary, saying that she doesn’t believe in God (but Alice does). For Tara, “heaven” is when her love of art and her job come together. Thereafter, Tara discovers her husband, Max, masturbating in the shower. The context for this is Tara’s failure to ‘show up’ for their date for sex in Episode 3 (see above). Kate is hiding a black eye behind dark glasses, the result of her tussle with Alice in Episode 3. Both Kate and Marshall continue along complicated paths involving difficult relationships, Kate in a mutually seductive relationship with her boss at Barnabee’s, and Marshall having a crush on another boy. Max needs help on a landscaping job and talks Marshall into skipping some classes to help him. Marshall loses control of a riding mower and runs it into a bee hive, which sends Max scrambling desperately to find an ‘epi pen’ to stop Marshall (who is profoundly allergic to bee stings) from plunging into a fatal anaphylactic shock. Tara is quite angry with Max about this, and Max shouts back at her that she is not free of mistakes. Tara continues to paint a mural for her new client, Tiffany St. John, Charmaine’s friend and franchise sales coach. Tara tells Tiffany about her marital sex life and her alters. Tiffany tells Tara that the two of them are ‘the same.’ “When I blow Roger,” she says, “I pretend to be Michelle,” a streetwalker in a television show. “That’s the only way I can get through it.” Tara, optimistic about Tiffany’s apparent efforts to relate, tells Dr. Ocean that she may have found a friend.
In a painful scene, Tara talks with Max about her extensive memory problems (i.e., amnesia). She can’t remember whole chunks of her childhood, does not remember her first date with Max, and has no memory of many events in their marital life. She poignantly declares, “I want our sex life back!” Then, in a particularly wrenching scene, (for the viewer as well as Tara), Tara goes out to dinner with Tiffany and Charmaine. Tiffany overenthusiastically talks about Tara’s alters and says, “I want to meet one!” Tiffany reminds Tara that she, too, was molested, although it is said in a dismissive way, as if it means nothing. Charmaine drunkenly expresses extensive and graphic doubts about Tara’s DID, and mocks her claims of sexual abuse, as well as her development of alters. Charmaine rambles on about the many times that she herself has had sex that she didn’t want when she was drunk, but notes that she didn’t develop any alters. Tara stiffly smiles throughout the dinner, saying little. She later tells Max that she did not enjoy dinner. She and Max make love.
The next morning Tara goes to Tiffany’s to work on the mural. Tiffany is in a rage. During the night, the mural had been crudely defaced with red paint that says, “Die yuppie (obscenity).” Tara knows nothing about what happened, but only she had a key to Tiffany’s home. Tiffany throws Tara out and Tara is later served with a restraining order requiring her to stay away from Tiffany. Charmaine shows up, tells Tara that she has been banned from selling the franchise products, and declares, “You always ruin everything!” Tara is stricken, but comes to life when she and Charmaine mock Tiffany’s bowl of stones engraved with trite affirmations (e.g., “Believe”). At Tara’s repeated urging, the two sisters play a childhood patty cake game from their childhood.
Commentary:
How realistic are the events of this episode? We have phrased this question broadly (instead of focusing narrowly on the shocking defacing of the mural) because this episode provides what is too often missing in accounts of ‘crazy’ DID behavior—the interpersonal ‘reasons’ for that behavior. After 4 episodes of this show, it is increasingly clear that although she suffers from DID, Tara is a genuinely good-hearted woman who loves her family. She treats others well and does her best to be a good wife, sexual partner, mother, and commercial artist. But she has at least two ongoing sets of difficulties in her life, only one of which centers on the actions of her alters. Her second set of difficulties results from the behavior of those around her. Max loves her, but four episodes have shown him to be sporadically undependable as a spouse and a co-parent. In particular, this episode displays Tiffany’s repeated comments about Tara’s alters and her excitement about them (“I want to meet one!”). The dinner with Tiffany and Charmaine turns into a profoundly selfish and insensitive ‘ambush’ of Tara by Tiffany and Charmaine, which is a more overt and concentrated expression of the disrespect that both have shown her in the previous episodes.
The most shocking incident in Episode 4 is not the defacing of the mural; it is Charmaine’s drunken, sarcastic, and stunningly dismissive rant about the unbelievability of Tara’s sexual abuse and DID. Probably to the viewer’s surprise, Tara deals with this intensely unpleasant situation by exhibiting a forced smile and not switching to another alter. She avoids any confrontation in the situation. Given a little understanding of DID, however, the ensuing destruction of Tiffany’s mural ‘makes sense.’ The original purpose of Tara’s alters is to protect her from abuse—and there is little doubt about the abusiveness of the dinner ‘ambush.’ Because Tara did not defend herself during dinner, an alter takes action and retaliates against Tiffany. On the other hand, in light of Charmaine’s harsh words during dinner, it is notable that Tara does not confront Charmaine. Instead, Tara makes a sustained effort to restore their sisterly relationship. This is both loving and revealing; it reveals that Tara’s ability to stand up for herself remains limited, and her desperate need for family and connection prevents her from being angry at Charmaine. Tara is less invested in Tiffany, and is very vulnerable in her wish to have a friend, so Tiffany makes the easier target. She may also be protecting herself against being eventually rejected by Tiffany.
Once again, in this series we see that one need not have DID in order to struggle with conflicting perspectives and behave very differently over a very short period of time. Charmaine clearly demonstrates both an affectionate closeness and a hostile, depreciating, and rejecting anger toward her sister.
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S1 Episode 5: Revolution
Max and Tara have an appointment with Dr. Ocean to try to understand if and/or why one of Tara’s alters defaced the mural she had been painting for Tiffany (see Episode 4 above). Dr. Ocean suggests that an alter may have been jealous of Tara’s friendship with Tiffany and wanted to interfere. Meanwhile, Kate and Marshall watch Tara’s video diary, hoping to find clues about ‘who’ (which alter) defaced the mural. In one entry, Buck hints that people don’t really know him and boasts that they “are going to talk about this for a long time.” Tara tells Max that she sometimes senses that information about her alters is true, even though she doesn’t remember what happened. She says she doesn’t think she (i.e. her alters) ruined the mural. She is hurt that Max does not believe her.
Immediately after the therapy session, Tara switches to T. T takes off in Tara’s car, preventing Tara from attending a mock trial at Marshall’s school, in which he has a prominent role. When Max shows up at the school without Tara, Marshall tells him to go and find her instead of staying for his performance. Max and Charmaine set out to find T. While they are driving, Max asks about a roommate Tara had in boarding school around the time of some sort of traumatic incident, which has not yet been revealed. Charmaine remembers the roommate as a tall girl, and gives Max part of her name. She mentions that while Tara was sent away to boarding school, she (Charmaine) remained in public school, but doesn’t know why. [From episode to episode, viewers are getting small hints about Tara’s history that may explain why she has DID.]
Eventually Max and Charmaine find T at one of her favorites haunts (a video arcade where teens hang out) in a town 150 miles away. T dances provocatively in front of an audience in the arcade. Max clearly enjoys T’s behavior and appears to join in the fun, but his real agenda is to get more information about the mural incident. He calls Marshall and says he is staying overnight with T and will be home the next day. T begins flirting with and kissing a younger man (she says she is 16), but Max interrupts and tries to stop her. Finally, he literally picks her up over his shoulder and carries her away, telling the man that he is her father (since T refuses to acknowledge that Max is her husband). When they get to their hotel room, Max presses T to admit that she defaced the mural. She says she can’t tell him what happened, and then says she will, if he has sex with her. When Max readily agrees to have sex, she becomes uncomfortable, asking if the contract with Tara has changed. Max continues to angrily confront T with ruining Tara’s opportunity for work and to have a friend, but he does not have sex with her. T insists she didn’t do it and Max believes her.
In the meantime, Charmaine has discovered that Marshall and Kate are having a big house-party in their parents’ absence, primarily because Marshall wants to invite Jason, the boy on whom he has a crush. During the party, Kate drives off with Gene, her strange boss who seems infatuated with her. Jason comes to the party with a girl, which devastates Marshall. Nevertheless, Marshall works up the courage to broach the subject of whether Jason is interested in him, but just then T walks in and immediately (and very rudely) asks Jason if he is gay. This humiliates Marshall. Afterward, Marshall erupts at T, telling her that she is irresponsible, that she ruined his mom’s mural, and that she has made both his parents miss numerous school functions. He shouts, “I want my real mother and only her, and none of you other freaks!” T blows him off, denying she is Marshall’s mother. Marshall asks her in anguish, “Then why are you in my mother?” T responds flippantly that she doesn’t know. Max informs Marshall that T did not deface the mural. Later, T awkwardly apologizes to Marshall.
While Dr. Ocean is trying to help Tara and Max sort out why an alter felt the need to destroy the mural, she notes that it has been helpful for the alters to come out and express themselves, saying “this is what we wanted.”
Commentary:
How important is it for alters to ‘come out’ in everyday life? Initially, it has been helpful for Tara and her family to begin to know the alters by having them come out, but now their behaviors may be taking a destructive turn. It is true that it is important to understand and know previously hidden alters. In fact, all of us (not just individuals with DID) do best when we understand and accept all aspects of our selves (i.e., feelings, experiences, memories, etc.). However, an actual therapist would never encourage or condone destructive behaviors as a necessary part of therapy. Alters can certainly be out and understood without behaving in ways that disrupt or destroy the patient’s life. The individual may be encouraged in any number of ways to develop communication, cooperation, and caring among alters. Note, however, that the person can do this without ‘switches’ that interfere with daily life. Nevertheless, unhelpful switches are common, and are often not very controllable in the beginning stages of treatment, and often continue for a prolonged period of time. Therapy should help the individual to gradually gain control over impulses to enact disruptive behaviors, no matter which alters are engaging in unacceptable actions.
Tara switched to T after a therapy session when she realized that Max is convinced that she (Tara and/or her alters) defaced the mural. Why does Tara switch at that moment? Why does she switch to T instead of a different alter? As a total human being, Tara protects herself from major stress by switching. Tara is in a very serious predicament: the destruction of the mural has ruined a chance to work and be creative, lost her a friend, created distrust with Max, upset her sister and children, and humiliated her. It is dawning on Tara that she is out of control, and sometimes in very destructive ways. Tara and everyone else in the family is experiencing a variety of confusing emotions, but no one know knows how to deal with them.
Tara probably switches to T because T’s style of ‘coping’ is to avoid thinking about or dealing with problems by engaging in frantic play, doing drugs, and pursuing sexual preoccupations. T literally runs away to her favorite place: an arcade, where lots of people come to escape reality for a while. T seems to be protective of some important, highly vulnerable information. She says she can’t tell Max about what happened to the mural, and then quickly tries to seduce Max to change the subject. We see a moment of vulnerability and confusion in T when Max agrees to have sex with her. As much as it appears that she wants to seduce him, when it comes down to it, she doesn’t really want that, and is relying on Tara’s contract with Max.
As we witness this interaction, it’s not completely clear what T is protecting. However,
T may be serving a common function of some alters: to distract
and avoid having Tara or anyone else get close to intolerable
traumatic experiences or painful emotion. This task is often
taken on by alters that act out in destructive ways. By being “bad,” they provoke chaos, anger, criticism and punishment from others, so that hidden and genuine emotions and experiences won’t have to come to the surface. This behavior is not limited to individuals with DID; it also occurs in “integrated” individuals. For example, we see Kate acting out as the “bad” child in order to avoid her own pain. In the end, T creates more havoc in Tara’s life and with her family by trying to hook up with a strange man, hurting Marshall by not showing up at his school functions, and then utterly humiliating him in front of his male crush. This situation highlights a major and painful reality of living with DID: alters are developed to reduce stress, but end up creating more stress as they continue to handle problems in their own dysfunctional ways.
An additional psychological mechanism often underlies the acting out of persons with DID. Many persons with DID were repeatedly betrayed by an abusive parent or caretaker. This abusive betrayal is so intolerable that the child tries to convince herself that the mistreatment was ‘deserved’ because she was ‘bad.’ She ‘proves’ this to herself repeatedly by acting out and being bad. This allows her to continue to tell herself that she is the bad one—not her parent or caretaker. Thus, by being ‘bad,’ she can avoid grieving that she was terribly hurt by people who were supposed to love her.
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S1 Episode 6: Transition
Episode 6 begins with Buck making an entry into the video diary, explaining and acting out how he survived in Vietnam. Buck executes some pseudo-martial arts moves and punches. Max is told by his neighbor that Tara is asleep in his backyard. He goes over to find her (in the form of Buck) passed out on a lawn chair. It is Tara herself that wakes up, not understanding how she got an injury on her hand (which she got when Buck punched the camera). Max tells Tara that Buck was at the Chiefs’ football game, went to the bathroom after a fireworks display, and never came back to where he was sitting. [By implication, Buck became caught up in some PTSD-related symptoms when triggered by the fireworks.]
We see Tara’s parents for the first time when they come to visit for Charmaine’s birthday. Their arrival sets off a series of dysfunctional and troubling interactions. The parents are critical of each other, and immediately critical of both Tara and Charmaine (Tara, for not having a new couch and Charmaine for being thin and causing Tara so much trouble in preparing for her party). They show differential attention to Tara and are dismissive of Charmaine. Alternatively, they are overly pleasant at moments, acting as if they are two happy parents enjoying food and games. During a brief outing, Tara’s father tells Max he thinks that the children should come live with them. Angered, Max accuses Tara’s father of not watching after his own children (Tara and Charmaine). Max doesn’t tell Tara, knowing it will upset her. Tara’s mother makes reference to Tara “depriving” the children, and suggests that the children should come live with them. Tara is upset by this and doesn’t understand why her mother wants to take the kids. When her father makes reference to Buck’s behavior, Tara learns that Charmaine has told her parents about the problems the alters have caused recently. Tara becomes upset with both Charmaine for her betrayal, and Max for not telling her what her father said earlier. The crisis comes to a head when Charmaine erupts at the entire family for being “overlooked” for many years. She laments her declining dating life, which she attributes to her botched “boob job.” At this point she exposes her malformed breasts to the group. Tara leaves the room and is coaxed upstairs by Max, where they laugh together about the outrageous nature of the situation.
The visit by Tara’s parents is extremely stressful for all the characters, and they attempt to cope in different ways. Max initially discourages Tara from taking Xanax (which she decides not to do), but he ends up taking it himself because he is frustrated with Tara’s father. Marshall tries to appease everyone, especially Charmaine, by making her a thoughtful birthday present with a photo of them on a trip together. Max forces Kate to hang out with her grandparents. Kate “smarts off,” briefly socializes after Max confronts her, and is encouraged to leave before she gets nasty again. She goes to her boss’s house to escape the situation. Kate ends up making out with Gene (her weird boss), and possibly having intercourse with him. After erupting at the family, Charmaine goes to Neil’s home. (Neil is a coworker and friend of Max’s with whom Charmaine was intimate a year ago). Tara is determined not to switch to another alter; she is fairly quiet and non-confrontational (as she was at dinner with Tiffany and Charmaine in Episode 4). Max helps to keep her from switching by running around in the yard with her and by laughing with her upstairs. However, it is implied that Tara (perhaps in an alter) acts out her anger by making it appear that her father has wet the bed. Even though Max knows this, he sarcastically tells Tara’s father that he is sorry about his problem with bedwetting. The parents leave to everyone’s relief. Tara sighs that she “made it” through their visit.
Commentary:
What dysfunctional patterns of interaction do we see in Tara’s family of origin? We’ve only seen a small sample of interactions between Tara’s parents and the other characters at this point, but some notable dysfunctional family dynamics become apparent. Tara’s mother and father oscillate between being nice and placating and being critical and harsh. We don’t know yet if Tara’s parents were like this when she was a small child, but this kind of inconsistency is certainly problematic for a child’s development. Children who are very young are dependent on their attachment with their parents for stability and the formation of their own personality. Experiencing such conflicting patterns of behavior from one’s parents can be confusing and distressing to a child.
Another apparent dysfunctional family dynamic is discomfort with a direct expression of anger towards the parents. Max implicitly voices what Tara cannot allow herself to say directly. Charmaine, although her outburst is at the whole family, seems to direct her anger more towards Marshall, who was actually attempting to be kind to Charmaine. She shifts quickly to blaming her ex-boyfriend who pushed her toward the botched “boob job,” and away from her parents. Tara never expresses anger directly towards her family; instead, she acts out by making it look like her father wet the bed.
Still another dynamic is the conflicted favoritism shown to Tara by her parents. She is clearly both favored and praised, but also depreciated and undermined. Charmaine is rightfully jealous of being relatively neglected. We are unaware at this point in the show if there was a downside to Tara’s “specialness” (e.g. sexual abuse), but if there was, Charmaine clearly doesn’t know about it.
Given the stress of having her parents in her home, why doesn’t Tara switch? Previous episodes have correctly shown that Tara tends to switch when she is under stress. In this episode, Tara tries very hard to stay present and not “transition” to another alter; she fears that Alice will come out and try to do everything perfectly. Why doesn’t Tara switch? There are two different explanations for this. On the one hand, (as was the case during Episode 4’s highly stressful dinner with Charmaine and Tiffany), it is self- protective for Tara to remain “herself” and not give her parents any more reasons to criticize her. If Tara were to switch and be more assertive and/or provocative, her problematic relationship with her parents might be worsened. From this perspective, we might conclude that Tara’s need to preserve her relationship with her parents is more important than defending herself.
Max also does his best to prevent Tara from switching. Although Tara is mostly quiet, she and Max are a united front against the crazy parents. Max steadfastly supports Tara; he interrupts many of her parents’ dismissive and critical stances toward her, stands up to Tara’s father, and does his best to make Tara feel loved and supported. Max takes Tara outside and helps her to dash around the back yard, both of them being silly and giddy. Max says he doesn’t know why he is doing this, but the viewer understands that he is helping her blow off steam, laugh at the craziness of it all, and is reaffirming their bond against ‘the loonies’ that have invaded their home. All of this is a sustained declaration of his love for her and their ability to stand together against her parents’ outrageous behavior. Together they triumph; Tara’s parents never see her switch.
On the other hand, it seems possible that Tara did switch, at least twice, and that Tara doesn’t know it and neither do her parents. Max discovered a hooded figure in a red poncho crouched over her sleeping father’s groin. It could be that Tara never switched to T, Buck, or Alice because a part of her was coming out at night and acting out by soaking her parents bed. As with Tiffany’s defaced mural, the mystery is now, “Who did that?”
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